Thursday, December 13, 2012

Fear of...Part Two

The next morning, a cardiologist came to visit and reaffirmed how lucky I was to had "made it." It still wasn't totally registering with me. I had horrible leg pain when I went into the hospital; I never felt my life was in danger. I thought perhaps this was something that built over time; later to learn that it can happen in seconds, including a clot starting in your leg and travelling to your lungs.

What is most frustrating is it isn't because of anything I did or did not do. At least, nobody yet, and I have been seen by no less than 10 physicians through since entering that ER, has a concrete reason for this to have happened. I had taken up smoking again, but I doubt my few smokes a day for 6 months caused the clot. I've since quit for good, by the way. 5 days in the hospital was perfect for stopping. I had flown home from New York some 3 weeks earlier; but I must have gotten up at least 3 times in the flight and have certainly flown greater distances and that journey no less than 100 times. I work from home, but am constantly moving. I pace on the phone. In short, the only tie we can make is genetics.

My Mother died of congestive heart failure in 2006. She had varicose veins stripped when I was a kid. In the last decade of her life or even longer, she was on blood thinners, as I am now. She had water retention in her legs for years, as I do in my left leg now. Her leg would itch to the point she'd scratch it until it bled and scared. Thankfully, I learned from her to control my itching. But, it is annoying.

I am not as ill as my Mother and hope never to be. But, this unexpected near death experience certainly gives reason to be concerned. To some extent, almost annoyed. I eat well overall, I work out, I moisturize. It doesn't seem fair or reasonable to have my leg in a compression stocking and to add yet another medication to my pill box for the rest of my life.

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